INHIBITED SEXUAL DESIRE: WHAT IS NORMAL-FOR YOU? EXPECTATIONS AND SEXUAL DESIRE - AS TOUR SEX LIFE EVOLVES

Nothing about sexuality or sexual behavior stays the same forever. In fact, sex often improves as you gain experience and become more comfortable with your partner. But none of us is likely to complain about that sort of change. On the other hand, having sex less often than you used to, especially if the sexual activity you do engage in doesn't seem to be as exciting as it once was, can leave you and your partner feeling baffled and frustrated. Indeed, such changes in your sex life may make you quite frantic. However, they are much more common occurrences than you might think. They are usually not permanent, nor necessarily signs of serious problems, although you can quite literally turn them into disasters by letting your fear overcome you and deciding that you, your partner, and your sex life are failing.

For instance, experiencing decreased sexual frequency and a few less "sparks" was particularly painful for Andrea and Paul because their sex life had once been the most exciting and valued part of their relationship.

"One of the first things I thought when I met Paul was that I wanted to sleep with him," Andrea admits. "The sexual chemistry between us was that strong."

Paul nods in agreement and they both chuckle as they recall their initial meeting at a cocktail party. There to conduct business, Paul was distracted by Andrea's presence. Every time I talked to someone, I kept one eye on him and one eye on her." Similarly, Andrea constantly glanced in Paul's direction while trying not to let him or anyone else know she was looking. When their eyes did meet, the effect "was like being hit by a truck," according to Paul. Andrea managed to get someone to introduce them. "But I thought I had blown it," she laughs. "I was tongue-tied and blushing the whole time we talked." Actually, this anxiety and vulnerability reassured Paul that Andrea was indeed attracted to him and increased his interest in her.

Paul then invited Andrea to have a cup of coffee at a nearby all-night diner. "And we did stay there literally all night," Andrea reports. "We talked and talked for hours." But sex was never far out of either of their minds. "We got to know each other by accident," Paul claims. "We found out we had a lot in common only because we were involved in this sort of extended intellectual foreplay. We both knew we were going to end up in bed sooner or later."

They ended up in her bed, having sex as the sun was rising, and Paul spent the remainder of the weekend there, going home only long enough to pick up his toothbrush and a change of clothes. "We didn't waste any time," he chuckles. "It was probably the world's longest first datethe date never ended. . . ."

For a while, being together took priority over everything else in their lives. Whenever they were together they invariably had sex, even when meeting for a weekday lunch at his place. In the process, they grew to know each other even better and fell in love.

After they moved in together, their sexual desire became less urgent, but they still managed to have sex four or five times a week. "We were very innovative about it." Paul proudly describes how they used to juggle their schedules to accommodate their sex life. They didn't notice that they were soon down to having sex two or three times a week. They felt as close as they ever had and enjoyed sex every bit as much.

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Men's Health-Erectile Dysfunction