INHIBITED SEXUAL DESIRE: WHAT IS NORMAL-FOR YOU? EXPECTATIONS AND SEXUAL DESIRE - ANDREA AND PAUL

"We don't make love nearly as much as we should. We never seem to have the time or the energy," Andrea explains succinctly, as one might expect from a woman who writes ten-second radio spots and one-page news releases for a living. At just thirty years old, she heads the public relations department of a national corporation. He husband, Paul, also thirty, is an associate in a prestigious, high-powered law firm that handles corporate clients all over the United States.

Andrea and Paul are both intense, goal-oriented high achievers who expect their lives to be organized, efficient, focused, under control, and moving ever upward to new peaks of personal and professional success. They have the same mannerisms, the same laugh, the same habits of glancing quickly at the wall clock and tapping the arms of their chairs when they feel uncomfortable during a therapy session. They both wear short, stylish haircuts and sport similar tortoiseshell glasses. Even though Andrea is short and slightly overweight and Paul is slender and long-legged, if you saw these two on the street you could easily mistake them for sister and brother.

Andrea and Paul met at a party five years ago, moved in together six months later, and got married two years after that. From their first encounter which Paul describes as "lust on first sight" sex for this couple was frequent, spontaneous, and pleasurable, which makes their present lack of interest and dissatisfaction all the more baffling and distressing to them. From our vantage point, however, it was relatively easy to understand. No real, live, flesh-and-blood human being could expect to lead a life like Andrea's or Paul's and still have time and energy left over for sex. But of course, they did expect just that.

Like many young, upwardly mobile, dual-career couples, Andrea and Paul constantly seek out new challenges, including Paul's recent decision to start training to run a marathon and their joint decision to buy an old house and renovate it themselves. They attack each new project with gusto, logic, and determination, but as you might expect, their quest for fulfillment often exhausts them.

In fact, just listening to Paul and Andrea describe their hectic, jam-packed schedules exhausted us! On a typical day, they awaken at roughly the same time. He runs while she showers, showers while she dresses, dresses while she drinks coffee. Then both skim through two morning papers. They wave goodbye to each other from cars heading in opposite directions. Then they both work until seven or eight P.M., and before coming home, Andrea stops at a health club to exercise. Several nights each week she has publicity functions to attend or Paul has dinner meetings. Weekends are filled with all the things they could not get to during the week: housekeeping, running errands, shopping, entertaining friends, or visiting relatives and, of course, working on the remodeling of their house. Sunday morning offers the only uncommitted time during their week and "nine times out of ten, sleep is far more appealing than having sex," Paul explains. "We don't get enough of either, but sleep is harder to live without."

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Men's Health-Erectile Dysfunction